The All In Podcast

Episode 35 - Anti-Bikini Body

• Florence Gillet • Season 3 • Episode 34

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In this episode, Nicola and Florence debunk the bikini body concept and give you concrete tools to give you confidence in the body that you have, at the beach or the pool. Have a great summer!

To find out more about Martin, please visit https://www.martinlerma.com/

To find support in your HA recovery:
Get the "No Period. Now What?" book at noperiod.info/book.
Get the French version "Je n'ai plus mes regles" book at noperiod.info/livre
To join the NPNW English support group, please visit noperiod.info/support
To join the French support group, please visit noperiod.info/communaute
To make an appointment with Dr Sykes and get individual support to get your period back or improve your fertility, please go to noperiod.info/appointments
To make an appointment with Florence Gillet and get help with the body and mind changes happening in recovery please visit www.beyondbodyimage.com

You can find us on social media
No Period, Now What? on Instagram in English
No Period, Now What? on Instagram in French
Beyond Body Image on Facebook
Beyond Body Image on Instagram

Email us  via allin@noperiodnowwhat.com

If you enjoyed this podcast and found it helpful, please drop us a rating and a review to help more people find it. 

Original Music by the Andy Shulman Band "Lost & Found" available on Spotify. 

To find support in your HA recovery:
Get the "No Period. Now What?" book at noperiod.info/book.
Get the French version "Je n'ai plus mes regles" book at noperiod.info/livre.
Get the German version "Keine periode - was jetzt?" at noperiod.info/buch.

To join our support groups, please visit noperiod.info/support
for English, noperiod.info/communaute for French, and noperiod.info/community for German.

To make an appointment with Dr Sykes and get individual support to get your period back or improve your fertility, please go to noperiod.info/appointments
To make an appointment with Florence Gillet and get help with the body and mind changes happening in recovery please visit www.beyondbodyimage.com

You can find us on social media:
Instagram:
@noperiodnowwhat in English
@jenaiplusmesregles_livre in French
@keineperiodewasjetzt in German

...

Welcome to All In, a straight shooting, science based podcast about periods, fertility, and nurturing health outside of unrealistic beauty expectations. We will mostly, but not exclusively, focus on hypothalamic amenorrhea, HA, a component of relative energy deficiency in sport, formerly known as the female athlete triad. I'm Dr. Nicola Sykes, scientist and author of the book No Period, Now What? I specialize in helping people understand how their eating, exercise, and lifestyle habits are keeping them from hormonal health and their best life. My work focuses on regaining periods, improving fertility, and breaking free of the rules underlying diet culture. My name is Florence Gillet. I'm a certified eating psychology coach, a former HA patient, and an advocate of health at every size and body neutrality. I help people let go of their obsession with size and appearance to regain self confidence, finally appreciate their bodies, and live an overall fuller, more joyful life. Every two weeks, the All In podcast brings you real recovery stories, expert insights, and new scientific research on HA, hormonal health and fertility, with an unmissable touch of body respect and women's empowerment. Just a reminder that this podcast represents the opinions of the hosts and their guests. This content should not be taken as medical advice, it's for informational purposes only. And because each person is unique, please consult your primary care practitioner for any medical questions. Music by the Andy Shulman Band, available on Spotify.

Florence:

Welcome

back to the All In podcast for

Florence:

these series of summer episodes. Hi, Nicola. How are you?

Nicola:

Hi, it's so nice to see you again. We decided that we would record a few quick mini episodes for the summer because we are both super busy over the summer with children and vacations and all sorts of other things, and so we figured we'd Lots of people aren't resting, yes, and lots of people are, so we thought that maybe we would just do some little quick episodes just to give people some tips and tricks and hopefully everyone can just enjoy their time. Obviously it's not summer everywhere in the world, you know, people in the southern hemisphere will be winter time, so maybe this will bring a spark of joy to their winters as well.

Florence:

exactly. And, the goal here is really to not stop the podcast because we started season three quite late in the season. So we wanted to not interrupt the podcast, but also having little snippets of information that could be useful for your summer. You are right, Nicola, this particular episode is going to be about feeling great at the beach, at the pool, in your swimsuit. So it's maybe not for people that are living through winter right now, but, you're never too early to be prepared for when summer hits again. And,

Nicola:

It will, it will come.

Florence:

It will come, you're never too early. We just felt like, it would be a great first mini episode to really talk about how to try and really harness more confidence when you're going to be in your swimsuit and we know that when we are in the process of recovery, or we're just recovered, or we just discovered we have HA, we may be terrified at the idea of our body changing. It can be really difficult. So let's have a few ideas that give you a bit of inspiration as you get ready for summer. And hopefully you enjoy a holiday by the beach or by the pool. So I've just listed five things cause we want to keep it quite simple. The first thing is really comfort. And the, you know, making sure that you don't try and squeeze yourself into your swimsuit from your HA days. For example, I know there is no way I would feel confident or comfortable in my HA swimsuit. It was really a size that was not suitable for me. And you know, it's funny because a lot of people, realize that, you know, and it's the case for you as well, we're still average size, thin size, you know, how you want to say it. Not in the sense that it's a good thing. It's just the way it is. And a lot of people, they say, but how is it possible that you were, you know, much thinner than that? What was actually the need for it? And I have to realize myself, like, I don't know why I was so thin. was something I really needed. And I mean, I,

Nicola:

we see.

Florence:

exactly. And we've, we've talked about this on many other episodes, so we're not going to go back to that, but I think it's important in that season to remember that you're trying to really find something that's comfortable and suitable for your body in terms of facing some of the world's messages rather than changing your body to suit the world's messages. Does that make sense?

Nicola:

Absolutely. In the summer I actually wear a long sleeved rash guard and like a little skirt, bathing suit because, um,

Florence:

No

Nicola:

I have so much sunscreen to put on, you

Florence:

I, again, like, and, you know, I think if you feel more confident wearing a little coverup, if you feel more confident with shorts, if you feel more confident with a tiny bikini, if you feel more confident with a one piece swimsuit. It really doesn't matter what you wear. And nobody cares what the trends are or what you should wear for your age or for your shape. No one cares about that stuff. And really what other people do typically is that they just look at themselves anyway. When you see a group photo, what are you going to look at first is how you look on the group photo. So it really doesn't matter. And before we started. Yeah. We were talking about also what we make for us, right?

Nicola:

Mm hmm. Yeah. Well, so the other thing I wanted to say is there are people who are super judgy and are looking around at everyone else. And you know what? Those are not people whose opinion really matters because like, why do they care? I mean, it's just a little bit, it's a little bit strange to judge what other people choose to do with their bodies.

Florence:

The people that are really, that are loving and caring for you, they won't care. So I think we need to make a distinction here between the people that are going to be judgmental. Do they really matter to me? Do I really care for their opinions? Because if they don't care about me anyway, if they are maybe, you know, these maybe are frenemies or people that I know have not had my best interest at heart, maybe it's time for me to just let go of their opinion as well.

Nicola:

Yeah. Yep.

Florence:

So what is it that you do?

Nicola:

about my hair? So I I just love, I've loved coloring my hair for ages, and I just, I really enjoy playing around with it, and it's something that I do for me, like, I love color in my life, so, I moved into this new house, and the realtors had painted all the walls white, because that's supposedly what people like, and I was like, oh my god, this is sucking my soul out, and so, so my office is green, the stairs going upstairs are light blue, the dining room is a darker blue, the living room is like a salmon color, you know, it's, every room is a different color and it's phenomenal. It makes me feel so happy and so I've just been playing around with my hair so right now this is mostly black but I also have this like little teal streak and I love it. It makes me so happy. I think next time I'm going to do like more teal so this sort of like this teal, sheen of teal over the top. And it just makes me, it makes me happy. It really does. And then I got new glasses, and so I don't wear them, but they're blue as well.

Florence:

Cool. So cool.

Nicola:

Fun.

Florence:

I think this is really the goal that we want to achieve, especially when we're going to be in a situation where it may trigger thoughts or questions about, Oh, I don't feel great. We really want to put everything on our side when it comes to feeling comfortable, feeling confident. So if it is, you know, going completely low maintenance, going completely high maintenance, like you, you do you, and I think it's going to be also testing. Right. Cause I know before you reach this level where you're like, I love the teal colors, really what I like. And it goes with my glasses. And this is really the color that works for me. You tried all sorts of different ways to color your hair. Right?

Nicola:

Yep. Yep. And it's all just fun. It's fun.

Florence:

It's kind of trial and error and finding out what you feel the most confident in. And that's ever so important at the beach or at the pool. Cause you also, I mean, I think one of those things when you were talking also about the rash vest and the skirts, it's like, I know if I want to go, and play with my kids, I want to feel comfortable and confident playing. I don't want to have to say like, Oh, I have to adjust this because, you know, God knows I have a boob coming out or something. I think we have to really focus on that and really don't pay attention to the sizing. The sizing is completely random. You could have swimsuits in the same brand that are not the same size and. Just, I think, let go of that. It, your life is going to be so much more happy and joyful. So that's number one. The second one is maybe close to what we discuss right now about like feeling joy is that when we get trapped in the thought process of like, Oh, I feel really awful and look at this and my love handles and this part and that part is really to try and focus on the sensory feelings. So not so much the thoughts, but to say like, okay, what do I touch? What do I see? What do I hear? What do I smell? And if I'm at the beach, hopefully you're not going to smell sweat. You're going to smell like, you know, the smell of the beach and you're going to smell maybe sunscreen. I know there's some specific sunscreen that my mom used to put on me when I was a child that really makes me think of summer holidays. Maybe you're going to smell the ice cream or donuts or, you're going to hear the kids shouting of joy on the beach. I mean, it's one of those things, right? You go to the beach and you hear like the kids are having so much

Nicola:

Oh yeah.

Florence:

the sound

Nicola:

And it doesn't have to just be the kids.

Florence:

Go shout at the beach if it makes you happy, you know, put your toes in the sand and the sand is warm and, and it might be fresher at the bottom. And, if you're too hot, go bathe in the sea and you feel like, Oh, suddenly it feels good because I was so hot, but you could also say, maybe I haven't seen the sun for such a long time and it feels really warm on my skin and it feels really special. So really getting out of our thinking brain and more into the sensory of the experience, I think can really help when we're sometimes in a bit of an anxious response to being there.

Nicola:

That's, that's really lovely.

Florence:

Some of the other things that I like to do at the beach is really to observe body diversity. It doesn't just have to happen at the beach or the pool, but I think it's a wonderful place to just realize that there are people with all sorts of bodies, right? Not just size wise, but some of them will have long torsos and long arms. And you know, short foreheads or long, long hair, short hair, all sorts of styles. And I think it's a way to remember that really humankind is made to be diverse and our bodies, even though maybe we have gained some weight, maybe we don't exercise as much, maybe we've felt like we see a bit more cellulite and we're a bit conscious about it. Even though it's really a concept that was completely invented to be a problem by the patriarchy, because all women have it. So please forget about that. But, you know, I know it happens a lot in the recovery groups that women will talk about. Well, I feel like I was so toned. And now I feel a bit more, you know, soft and I have, I have a bit of a, an issue with those maybe flabby bits that are there. I think it's really realizing that there are people with all sorts of bodies and they're just enjoying their summer. They don't wait to be in the perfect body to be there. And if you really pay attention to it. have to put the caveat of it depends where you go, because there are obviously beaches or pools that are particularly populated with the people that are more in the ideal of beauty. But I think if you go to a public beach or a public pool or a place where it's more diverse, you will notice that there's really only a few people that look close to that ideal of beauty. Most of us do not fit the ideal because it is not made to be attainable. And I think this is really important to recognize because our eyes get always attracted to what is considered the ideal, but that might be one person, two people on the beach. All the rest is actually just totally normal and in the diverse

Nicola:

Normal

Florence:

you know, spectrum. So, I don't know if this is something you've tried wherever you are, by the way, it doesn't have to be at the beach.

Nicola:

Oh, absolutely. I think that the variation in bodies that you see basically wherever you go is phenomenal. It's like all different shapes, colors, sizes, heights, you know, it's just, it's lovely to really take in the spectrum of different bodies that are around us. And I think noticing that most people are doing whatever activity they're doing in whatever body they're in, and It's the activity that's important. It's the shared experience, the joy of playing with your kids or watching a movie or, you know, whatever it is that you're doing. Like that's the focus. And you can do that in just about any body. So it's, it's wonderful. It's really nice to observe that.

Florence:

absolutely. There's two more points. One of them is really to think that if you really can't help but focus on that quote unquote perfect body on the beach is to really remember that we don't really know what's behind that body as well. We don't know what this person thinks, how they eat, how they feel. You could look like the ideal and feel terrible inside and feel not confident.

Nicola:

Yeah. That's something that a lot of people that have had HA have noticed that when they do have that sort of quote unquote perfect body, they still don't feel perfect. They're still chasing some ideal and they're starving themselves and having all of that negative energy and exercising all the time and not having time for other things. So, I think that's a really, really important point that, even when we had that I mean, some people were like, yay, this is amazing, but a lot of us still felt like, oh, there was still more work to do.

Florence:

Oh, there's always something different you could do, right? Because again, the ideal is unattainable. So if you feel like this part is better, you may suddenly focus on something else. And I want to remind our listeners that the confidence happens inside. It doesn't come from fitting the ideal. We know many people that completely fit the ideal that feel really low self esteem and confidence and people that might look completely different from the ideal that are full of confidence in themselves. So I think this is really something to remember as well is that we really have to nurture this inside. It's not the conformity that's going to bring us more confidence. And the last thing is I would say maybe have a few mantras that you can keep, you know, as your background on your phone, or, you know, some notes that you can remind yourselves. The one that we love is your body is an instrument, not an ornament, from the Kite Sisters that we interviewed in, in Season two, I think The idea that you are so much more than your body, that obviously, as you said, it's more about the joy of being there, the experience of being there, playing, napping, reading, swimming, all of that stuff, rather than how you look and how you objectify yourself. One I love as well is I have the right to enjoy summer in whatever body I have. Everybody has the right to enjoy summer and that means when it's hot I'm gonna put a bathing suit on I don't have to hide behind all sorts of clothes if i'm gonna be really hot in them I cannot please everyone. Me changing my body doesn't mean i'm gonna please anyone more because there's always going to be people that find you beautiful or attractive or this or that, and others that don't, that's the reality. And then I think one of the ones that I know is also important to remember is how much money is made out of my insecurities and where do I want to spend my energy, spend my money? You know, we were talking about cellulite. It's a good example. This is a problem that was created by the industry that tries to fix it and sells us a bunch of stuff that won't change the way our fat is actually lined up in our skin compared to men, for example. So I think this is one of the things where I'm like, just. Let's let it go. I'm not spending time, energy, money into something that I know is just done to make me feel like I'm not good enough because I am so much more than whatever fat I have on my legs or my tummy or my arms.

Nicola:

I just had one thing to add, which is sort of getting back to the comfort thing, which is the first thing you talked about. I was just remembering that a lot of times in the summer if I wear a skirt, I'll wear like bike shorts underneath. And a lot of people find that when they gain weight, they gain some in their legs and then their legs rub together and it's uncomfortable and you're feeling it and it's like, if you know, eh. But the bike shorts serves a dual purpose, which is one, it absorbs some sweat and your legs don't rub together in an uncomfortable way. And two, if you happen to be wearing a skirt and you want to play or sit down or whatever, you don't have to worry about like showing your underwear to the world. So, you know, I really enjoy that. I love having those bike shorts under a skirt or under a dress to just sort of dual purpose

Florence:

absolutely. There are also some specific sticks that you can use if you don't want to wear the bike shorts there are sticks that you can use that will basically make the rubbing more comfortable.

Nicola:

Oh, interesting.

Florence:

I just really want to reaffirm that the problem here is not your skin rubbing when you walk or when your legs touch each other. It's not a problem at all. We don't want less of you. We actually want more of you. And the people that really love you, they would rather that you have your thighs rubbing a little bit, but you enjoy yourself. You're really well nourished. You're full of energy. You're full of joy, than having someone who's like pretty much absent because they're just constantly thinking about how they look, how they eat, what are they going to do after this to compensate whatsoever. So I think it's a very good point. There are solutions to support you in the body that you have, and you don't have to change your body to actually fit the ideal. We are trying to change what we consider to be the ideal, and we are all a little part of culture. So we have to remember, we all have a bit of power in changing the way we operate. And I can see already how the next generation sees things very differently from how we were raised. So it does work, but we have to be obviously more of us and more of us knowing about that stuff. So that's it. We hope you have a wonderful summer. in your beautiful bathing suit or shorts or skirts or whatever you want to wear and we will see you next time with another mini episode and thank you for listening.

Nicola:

Alright, bye!

Florence:

Bye! Bye Nicola!

One thing that always strikes me is how different each person's all in journey is. As I often say, there are many paths to HA and many paths out of it. Your journey is unique. That is so true. If you need more support on your journey, you should definitely start with NoPeriodNowWhat, which you can get at noperiod. info. com. And Florence and I both work with people on different aspects of period recovery and so much more. If you'd like more personalized advice and attention, you can go to noperiod. info slash appointments to schedule a time to speak with me on fixing issues underlying missing periods, blood work, diagnosis, and lots more. or beyondbodyimage. com to work with me on the fear of weight gain and making peace with food exercise in your body. I also take care of the new French version of No Period Now What through the Instagram account je underscore livre. We also have joined clients and online support groups so you can access both our domains of expertise and get the physical and mental help you deserve to put an end to disordered eating once and for all. If you enjoyed this podcast and found it helpful, please subscribe and drop us a review to help more people find it. Also, join our online recovery community at noperiod. info slash support in English and noperiod. info slash communique in French and let us know how All In is going for you. All In is not just about period recovery, it's about getting your life back. See you in two weeks!